20 Clear Signs He Is Using You And What To Do About It

Image: Shutterstock

Falling in love is an exhilarating and thrilling experience. While it gives you butterflies, it may not always go the way you have envisioned it to be. Not every relationship is constructive, and sometimes, you may realize, often too late, that you are not his priority and are just being used by him.

In the course of your relationship, you may try your best to make him happy, but you find out that it's somehow never enough. Fortunately, there are some telltale indicators to help you figure out if he's actually into you or just using you to satisfy his own needs. This post brings you 20 signs that he's using you and what to do if it's the case.

20 Signs He's Using You

You have just started settling into the relationship, but something feels off to you, and you don't know why. In these times, take a step back and see the bigger picture. Some of these warning signs that a guy is just using you might be right in front of you.

1. He closes himself off

He doesn't open up to you. You want to give him the benefit of the doubt and suppose that he's just shy. But, as days pass, you never really get to know about his plans or his friends or his life. He doesn't seem like he wants to share anything with you. There is a communication gap as he never expresses his strong feelings. He might often come across as angry or upset, but he won't tell you why.

2. Your conversations are lackluster

Stimulating conversations that continue late into the night can help you understand him on a deeper level. But it doesn't happen with your partner. He talks to you about sports, the weather, and politics, but you catch yourself looking for something more meaningful and personal. You find yourself revealing more and more about your life in the hope of getting the same insights, but it feels like he's not into it. If he can't have an honest conversation with you and voice out relationship concerns actively, then the bottom line is you should reconsider this relationship.

3. He doesn't care about how you feel

He seems distant and cold. If he doesn't get you, then he isn't the one, and you can be sure about that. An innate understanding is necessary to build an intimate and meaningful relationship. It is the little details that count, and it is important to know about your partner to make things work in the long term, after the initial interest has faded.

4. You haven't met anyone he knows

If your significant other introduces you to his friends, it is a sign that he is serious about you and wants a future with you. But, somehow, if you have been together for a couple of months, and he hasn't still introduced you to his circle of friends, and you know very little about his personal life, it is a major red flag.

5. He has issues discussing commitment

Finding ways to avoid discussing commitment with you is a sure sign a man is just using you. Being scared of commitment or not wanting something serious is normal, but refusing to discuss it definitely means that he has an ulterior motive and is just leading you on. If you are not looking for something casual, get out of the relationship as soon as possible.

6. He expects too many favors

Does he always need something from you? And do you always end up picking up the bill? If so, he's definitely not in love with you. He might say he loves you, but actions always speak louder than words. If he always asks favors from you, or if you feel you are the one doing things to make him happy and he doesn't reciprocate, he might be in the relationship only to fulfill his personal needs.

7. He is reluctant to compromise

The reluctance to compromise is one of the most evident warning signs you'll ever get. Whether it is work or personal life, his needs come first over yours, and he treats you like an option instead of a priority. He's always busy, you don't really go on any real dates together, and he gets upset if you ask for anything. These are worrying signs. A person will always make time for you and put your needs first to make you happy if they truly care about you.

8. He is selfish in the bedroom

Every relationship requires a balance. If you feel he's just having sex and not making love to you or there's no emotion involved, it's a genuine problem. Maybe this can be solved if you reach out to him with good communication and some guidance. But if not, you know where you stand. Don't let him put his own selfish needs before yours. Physical affection is an important part of any close and intimate relationship.

9. You don't feel special

Are you the only one who's putting in the effort to make things work? If so, you are in a one-sided relationship. If he treats you like he treats everyone else, and you feel like a colleague or a roommate, and nothing changes when you express your valid reasons and concerns, you may be dealing with an apathetic partner.

10. He doesn't show physical affection

There's no physical intimacy and conversations about needs and wants. He doesn't really engage in foreplay and doesn't seem very interested in pleasing you. You also begin to realize that you don't see him doing nice, thoughtful things. If you experience these, he might be using you, and it is imperative that you heed the warning signs. Have an honest conversation as it could just be that they express love differently, but don't be shy to demand what you need!

11. He shows too much physical affection

Too much physical affection is also a red flag. If your Netflix-and-chill sessions seem like booty call sessions, and your every encounter turns into something sexual, do not hesitate to set boundaries.

12. He doesn't care about your dreams and goals

One of the most important things to make a relationship work is to have similar values. While career, family, and ambitions are all crucial, if all he cares about are his dreams and personal growth, without taking your dreams and goals into consideration, he is using you. You will struggle to grow with him, and your relationship may feel toxic or stagnated in such circumstances.

13. He doesn't text back or try to get to know you

Cute text messages and online conversations are important to every relationship. However, you find that your conversations have died down, and you never made it past the second date. It's not that he's busy, but he seems to be genuinely uninterested. You feel like he forgets about you entirely when he is not around you and doesn't take the time out for a simple cute text or a meme. All these could indicate that he isn't serious about your relationship and is just using you.

14. He doesn't express his emotions

If he doesn't tell you he loves you or express it in his deeds, it is a clear sign of a dysfunctional relationship. Moreover, it is difficult to establish a strong bond if your true feelings are never reciprocated. While it is only fair to give your partner the benefit of the doubt here, you should still consider your compatibility.

15. You only see him when he needs you

Being there for each other during the highs and lows plays a significant role in establishing a serious relationship. It is solid proof of the special bond that you share with your special someone. However, if he calls all the shots and decides when you do what, taking your time and decisions for granted, it is an awful sign that he is using you, and you should make a prompt decision to be or not to be with him, as it can make you question your self-worth.

16. He makes comments on you

He makes comments that make you feel uncomfortable. This can be one of the worst signs because it is manipulative and hard to identify. He will often phrase his comments with subtlety and have it come across as advice for self-improvement. Don't fall for this trap. The telltale signs include telling you that you are not thin enough or encouraging you to go on diets and backbreaking workouts. He has an opinion on everything you wear and everyone you meet.

17. He regularly threatens to leave you

Does he seem to want to break up all the time? If he's using you, he may make you chase him all the time and ditch your plans last minute. If you never feel secure in your relationship, and he always justifies his actions, you may have to reconsider your priorities and take a call on whether you want to be with such a person.

18. You are his secret

You haven't met any of his inner circle, and he doesn't post about you on social media, not even simple stories of coffee dates! If he tries to keep you to himself and doesn't want the world to know about you both, it is a clear indicator that he is using you. Most probably, you will be left with a broken heart if the relationship continues.

19. Irrespective of the situation, you are always to blame

Every fight turns into a blame game. Even when he is in the wrong, it will be interpreted as your fault. It is extremely cumbersome and exhausting. In an intimate relationship, it is you and your partner versus the problem instead of you versus your partner. If he tries to win every argument, they are not the one for you.

20. He refuses to empathize with how you feel

Does he not understand you? Wait, maybe he just doesn't want to. Putting you down and refusing to empathize with you is a clear statement. Intimate feelings need to be shared, but if he makes it difficult for you, and you sense a lack of kindness, you are not in a healthy relationship by any means, and it is rare for this issue to get resolved.

Maybe he just craves the attention you give him, or he's with you for sexual benefits and intimate needs. If he shows a couple of signs, it might be possible to fix the relationship with open communication and a lot of hard work, but if he shows more and constantly belittles you, get over him, girl. Move on and find the right person.

Always remember that you deserve someone who loves you for who you are and considers you an equal.

The following two tabs change content below.

  • Author

Shikha is a writer-turned-associate editor at MomJunction. Her core interest lies in writing articles that guide couples through their courtship to marriage and parenthood. She also specializes in baby names. Being a postgraduate in Human Resources, she likes understanding people and their relationships. This reflects in her relationship articles, where she deals with both the rosy and the grey side... more